Confusion
by selanfene
Summary: okay...  modern day.  slash javid.  possible over pairings coming, too.  rated M for language and sexual themes & other mature stuff.  lessee...  kind of a The Year of Secret Assignments type of thing. formerly The Secret Life of the Newsies. R&R.
1. And There Is Much Gay

**Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies or any of the characters or anything... unfortunately... blahhh. Teachers are mine. Except for Mr. Denton, who I just **_**had **_**to use. He's not mine.**

**Author's Note: I mean no offense by the title of this chapter. I mean it literally.**

Chapter One—And There Is Much Gay

English Notes

**Jack**

_Mush_

Blink

_**Sarah**_

**David**

Mush, you got plans after school?

_Uh, yeah, sell the evening edition, stupid._

Wanna blow it off tonight?

_Watcha got?_

New kind of lube and some X

_Hmmmm... beer?_

Natchurally.

_I'm in._

**Boys, tut, tut. And Blink, it's spelled N-A-T-U-R-A-L-L-Y.**

Oh, like you're one to talk, Cowboy. You're probably the ONLY person in the class who turned in a paper with Mr. Denton's NAME spelled wrong!

**Hey! Bill's a hard name to spell!**

_Riiiight. Now quit reading my personal, private notes to Mush._

**As you wish, Blinky Boy.**

So... tonight right after school?

_Yeah. The neighbors are going out, so you can scream! 3_

Haha... I better destroy the evidence now...

oOo

**Sarah! Look at your bro and Denton! It's grotesque! (Like that word? Nice and long!)**

_**I don't want to think about David and Denton right now, hun.**_

**Me neither. Listen, I got some stuff to do tonight, so don't come over, okay?**

_**Will you make it up to me?**_

**Yeah—the weekend's all yours.**

oOo

**Hey, Teacher's Boy, tear your eyes away from Mr. Denton long enough to answer my question, will ya?**

**What question?**

**Is that a pencil in your pocket or do you really enjoy Denton's lectures?**

**...WHAT?!?!**

**Just kidding. Geez, so uptight! But if you're not careful, your mind will stray. And it WILL happen.**

**Jack, get to the point.**

**What? Don't want me around?**

**Ugh. I didn't say that. Now PLEASE get to the point.**

**Who says I didn't already?**

**Well then why are you still passing me this note? I'll get in trouble if Bi—DENTON sees me passing notes!**

**Oh, puh-lease. Like HE'D get YOU in trouble. Even if he did, you could get out of it. He's pretty uptight like you, so just a kiss oughta do it.**

**JACK!**

**Yes, Davey? -innocent grin-**

**Well, if you have nothing to say, I'm no longer talking to you, you pervert.**

**You like it.**

**NOT TALKING TO YOU.**

**Then why'd you bother to pass it back?**

**Good point.**

**A-ha! So... you got plans for tonight?**

**Huh? Thought you had plans with Sarah?**

**I never said I was asking you to do something with me.**

**Right...**

**Well, I never said I wasn't, either.**

**Well, I'm not selling tonight, so... no.**

**Me neither. Come over?**

**What about my sister?**

**Oh, it's okay. We don't have plans for tonight.**

**Uh... okay. I'll be over around 4:30. Ok?**

**Yeah. That's cool. I gotta do the english paper that was due today. You can help me.**

**You don't need help with that! It's EASY!**

**Hey, Mr. Perfect, I don't even know what it's ABOUT!**

**You have to describe someone you know in 1,000 words or more using as much detail and description and creativity as you can. God, mine was FULL of metaphors.**

**Who'd you do?**

**Les.**

**Well, I'll do you.**

**Doesn't that seem like cheating to you? I mean, writing about me and having me help?**

**So?**

**-sigh- Hey, class is almost over. I gotta pay attention now.**

oOo

_Sarah, can I ask you a question?_

_**Yeah, Mush?**_

_Doesn't it seem like Jack's been acting funny?_

_**Yeah. You noticed too?**_

_Mhm. Like he's cooling off towards you or something._

_**Ugh, I know! I don't know WHAT'S gotten into him! I mean, we haven't even had sex in—uh... could you pretend I never wrote that, please?**_

_You got it. So, you and Cowboy been doing it, eh?_

_**Didn't I tell you to pretend I never wrote that?**_

oOo

History Notes

**Racetrack**

Spot

_Skittery_

Hey, Race... got food?

**Not for you, buster. Get your own box.**

Cheez-Its? PLEASE?

**NO.**

But I'm real hungry... just ONE?

**Don't beg, Conlon. It's unbecoming to a lady of your station.**

OOOOOH, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW, HIGGINS!

**Right, Spot. What're you gonna do, wave your lace fan at me? Now go get your own, you always bring a big enough lunch!**

Aw, quit being so selfish! Besides, what am I supposed to do, say "Hey, Mr. Parker, can I go get some food? Because Racetrack here won't share his."

**No, just go and come back with it. I'll distract him.**

How?

**I dunno, roll him for the homework or something when I see you come back—double or nothing.**

He doesn't gamble.

**Exactly. It'll be an experience.**

Race... SHARE!

**NO!**

Not talking to you!

**Fine.**

Fine.

**Fine.**

Fine!

**FINE!**

_Guys... you know when class ends?_

I dunno. D'you, Race?

**Thought you weren't talking to me, O Spotty One!**

I'm not. When does class end? For Skitts's sake. And hand over the goods!

_Whoa... Race has FOOD?_

Yeah. And he won't share.

_You been holding out on me, asshole! Fork it over!_

**-rolls eyes- FINE.**

_Thanks, man._

RACETRACK!

**Yes, O Spotty One?**

Shut up.

**Yes, O Spotty One.**

Anyway, ANTHONY HIGGINS, YOU DOUBLE-CROSSING SCABBER!

**...there's no strike on...**

I DON'T CARE. GIVE ME FOOD!

**Get your—OW! WHAT'RE YOU HITTING ME FOR?**

_Whaddya THINK he's hitting you for?_

**OWWWW!**

_Hey, guys... look what I found in my desk:_

oOo

Dear Racetrack Higgins,

I enjoyed last night. You were very good, for a virgin. Only thing is, I... well, we didn't exactly use protection, did we... So I'm...

Well, you know what I'm getting at.

Love,

The New Girl

oOo

Race! You been gettin' some!

_From a GIRL!_

**...Uh... I plead the fifth...**


	2. Somebody Jack Knows

**Disclaimer: I own none of the people but the teachers (which does not include Mr. Denton.) Blah, blah, blah.**

**Author's note: In this chapter and all future chapters, anything any of the characters say does not necessarily reflect my views. I don't mean anything to offend anyone.**

Chapter Two—Somebody Jack Knows

Jack Kelly

May 13

English

Mr. Dentyne Ice.

**Somebody I Know**

I know my friend David. You do too. He loves your class. He says to me, during your class, "Don't pass me notes. I don't want to get in trouble with Denton."

Anyway, I don't know what's so great about him. (He says, "HEY!") He stole my Thai takeout! (He says, "I'm hungry!") And he turned on some weird gay music. (He says, "I Touch Myself is a classic!")

I really think he should stop reading over my shoulder. He's NOT helping. I didn't invite him over to look over my shoulder while I attempt to write about him.

Mr. D, he loves your class. I think because my best friend loves your class, I should get an A. (He says, "Jack! That's bullshit!")

David... what can I say about him. You know, he may be kind of ugly, but he's packing a good 10 inches. (He says, "Don't tell him THAT!")

He is trying to distract me. I wonder why he thinks thrusting his goods around is going to distract me?

(An hour later.) Mr. D, Davey's a VERY good kisser. (He says, "I WAS NOT KISSING YOU! I FELL ON YOUR MOUTH AND NEARLY BROKE MY JAW!")

David's family is Polish. They fed me Polish sausage once. David kind of tastes like Polish sausage. "Hey, how do you spell Polish sausage?" I just asked him. He thinks I'm an idiot. He says, "P-O-L-I-S-H space S-A-U-S-A-G-E, dumbass! I do NOT taste like Polish sausage!" I tell him, "I meant the word that starts with a K—what is it? Kill-bass-er?" He's coming over. Kielbasa. David typed that. He tastes like... Kielbasa. (I copy and pasted that.) Maybe they make Polish sausage out of Polish people. (I told David, who's in the kitchen getting a Coke, "Watch out for people with knives, Dave, you're Polish!" and he said, "So? That's racist!" and I said, "No, I just don't want you to be made into sausage." He says he doesn't understand my logic.)

David's sister is Sarah my girlfriend and his little brother is Les who looks like a large rodent. Actually, Les is pretty short for his age, so I guess he looks like a small rodent.

I don't know what else to write about David. I think I'll ask him about his favorite things.

David's favorite color is brown or gray.

David's favorite food is applesauce. He likes dipping bagels in it. I think it's gross. Especially the bagels.

David's favorite class is any science class. Or English.

David's favorite teacher is you.

David's favorite brand of condoms is Durex.

David's favorite brand of lube is KY.

David's dumb. He JUST realized I'm putting this in my paper. I asked him what did he THINK I was doing and get this: he said, "I dunno, making a shopping list or something."

I told him, "See _this _is why people make Pollack jokes!"

Ow. He punched me.

Actually, David kind of sucks at fighting.

JACK HAS CRABS.

David typed that. I think he's mad at me. Otherwise he wouldn't sabotage my English homework. (Sabotage. That's a long word. I should get extra credit.) Besides, I do NOT have crabs. I did have a pet lobster once, though. He died. Maybe I should've given him some water...

Oh! That stupid gay song isn't on anymore! Now David's sulking on my couch watching some musical about street kids selling newspapers. (There's a guy in it who looks a lot like me! He's pretty darn handsome.) I asked David what kind of a gay plot is that and he told me to shut up and write my paper.

POLISH-SAUSAGE-TASTE-LIKER. That's what I yelled at him.

That stupid gay paperclip tells me "POLISH-SAUSAGE-TASTE-LIKER" is a fragment. What the hell does that mean, stupid gay paperclip? Ya scab!

David stopped the movie. He's hovering again. He's like, TOUCHING my hair... and feeling up my pecs. What the hell, Davey?

Mayb e he shoulkdsto optkkiss inh me. Its' kind a hard tp typewhennm h'es kis sinnng me.

Im ' gonma finnis h when davds done...

(Two hours later.) David said I imagined it all. I told him one doesn't imagine being violently buttfucked by a very, very big boy, if you catch my drift.

He says, "I WAS NOT HAVING ANAL WITH YOU, JACK!"

I told him he's crude.

Okay, I've probably written 1,000 words by now. Lemme check.

Nope. Only 744.

You know, Davey told me once that he still wets the bed. That was last year, though. Hang on, I wanna ask if he still does.

"Hey, David, do you still wet the bed? I just yelled. I think he's in the bathroom.

"Are you going to put this in your paper?" Is what he said back.

"Yes." I told him.

"Then no." he said.

I should ask Sarah. They share a dorm because they're here on a scholarship. I have an on-campus apartmenton the top floor of the dormitory building because of... well, actually, I don't know why. But it's literally an apartment except I have to share it with Racetrack, which is okay because he's funny, small, cool, and not home much. I wonder where he goes... I never asked. Betcha it's the racetracks.

David did my laundry yesterday, and now I can't find my jockstrap. Stupid fucker. We're on the soccer team together. "Hey, David," I said. He's back on my couch. "Have you seen my jockstrap?"

He won't answer.

I bet he took it.

Okayyyy... ABOUT DAVID. I'm almost done, so I'll stay on topic for now. Um, he's seventeen years old, like me. He has really thick eyebrows and a really pale forehead. And his Adam's apple sticks out. Mine doesn't. Not much. His is HUGE. Like, the size of fucking RUSSIA! He has Russia sticking out of his neck! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!! THE RUSSIANS ARE IN DAVID'S THROAT! AAHHHHH! RUN!

OMG, it was really funny last week we went to Snitch and Itey's dorm—me and David and Racetrack—and straightened David's hair. He looked soooooooo funny! Which makes me wonder, why do Snitch and Itey have a hair straightener anyway?

I _do _know that Snitch's been trying to switch dorms with Bumlets for ages. Cos Itey wants to room with Bumlets and Snitch wants to room with Skittery.

Ohh! Lookit! I'm done! 1064 words, not counting these! BITE ME, DENTY, I'M DONE!


	3. The Morning After

**Disclaimer: ****-yawns- screw that. just read the disclaimers on other chapters of this story.**

Chapter 3—The Morning After

My Wall-to-Wall with Spot Conlon

**Spot Conlon** wrote at 7:54 am: hey jacky-boy, what were u n david doin last nite? movin furniture? cos that made lots o noise!

**Jack Kelly **wrote at 7:59 am: no. u know, u could come over 2 my apt. it's not like I live 20 yrs away, just 1 staircase away.

**Spot Conlon **wrote at 8:05 am: wat? n get raped like david?

**Jack Kelly **wrote at 8:07 am: WAT?!?!

**Spot Conlon **wrote at 8:15 am: I kno wat u 2 did. don't play dumb.

**Jack Kelly **wrote at 8:18 am: u asshole! I DID NOT RAPE DAVEY! he started it!

**Spot Conlon **wrote at 8:25 am: so u DID fuck, then?

**Jack Kelly **wrote at 8:38 am: no.

---------

Talk at School:

"Shit, I didn't do my math... David, you're good at math. Can I copy your homework?"

"Guys, did you hear about what Jack and David did last night?"

"Where's my pencil?"

"..."

"No, Skittery, you can't copy my math homework."

"-giggles- and I betcha them kittens didn't taste good with ketchup..."

"What'd they do, Spot?"

"SPOT! WE DID NOT!"

"-chuckles- lawlz Blink kittens in ketchup haha... NACHOS!"

"What the fuck, David, why not?"

---------

**As Overheard By the Guy at the Urinal Who Decided to Stay Because the Conversation was Interesting (1:43 PM)**

"Jack, did you tell Spot?"

"No..."

"How's he know, then?"

"Facebook... check our wall-to-wall."

"I don't exactly have a computer on me."

"Then check it later."

"Jack..."

"David?"

"Um..."

"What? We can only loiter in here for so long, so get to the point."

"I think I'm gay."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Jack, that's crude!"

"Your mom's crude. Wanna smoke?"

"Sure. Got a light?"

"Oh, you little rebel."

"Thanks."

-silence-

"Um, guys?"

"Whoa! Skitts!"

"Hi, Skittery."

"Is what Spot's saying about you two true?"

"No."

"Yes."

"So it is, then.'

"Aw... fuck..."

"Jack, don't swear. It's... well, Skittery, uh... I guess you could say it is."

"Davey!"

"Jack, no point in trying to hid it. Everybody knows."

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"Hey, where'd Skittery go."

----------

German Notes

Spot

**Race**

_Skittery_

Guys, you heard about Jack and David, right?

_Yeah._

**So?**

So... they're gay!

**So?**

So you don't know what they've sexed on, Racetrack! How can you ever go back to your dorm? Cowboy'll probably rape you in your sleep!

**Spot, that's crazy talk.**

_Jack says he's not gay._

**What're you so worked up about over their sexualities anyway?**

_Hey Spot, why don't you have a roommate?_

IDK...

_Oh..._

**Fuck, I'm hungry. Spot? Skittery? Food?**

No. My food. You wouldn't share with me!

**Skitts?**

_Sorry, Race. I don't have any._

**Fuck!**

Shit... what's Frau saying? She's asking me!

_What are you doing tonight?_

We don't have time for planning dates now, Skittery, she's asking me!

**That's what she's asking, O Spotty One.**

Oh...

_Race, why d'you call him O Spotty One?_

**I dunno. Dontcha think it's funny, though?**

Oh, yeah. A laughing riot.

**Yeah, like your genius answer to Frau's question.**

_What'd he say?_

**And I quote: "Uh... essen mich?"**

_...Eat me?_

I will not!

**You idiot, that's what you SAID. "Uh... eat me?"**

WHAT? I THOUGHT I SAID "EAT MEAT!"

_Haha, stupid._

**Haha. O Spotty One, you're probably failing this class.**

STFU.

**Oh, brilliant comeback. I don't think I'll ever recover from your devestating words.**

_Hey, hey, hey, relax, girls. No lovers' spats here. Frau's talking to you, Spot._

WTF? HOW DARE SHE GIVE ME DETENTION!

**May I point out that you asked her to eat you, then proceeded to scribble on a sheet of paper and generally act spastic and not pay attention?**

_I hate German._

I'm with you, Skittery. Why are we even TAKING it?

**I don't mind it. Now I can speak German, Italian, AND English. Besides, Jack and Blink and David take it, too, just a different hour.**

_We're taking it cos Spanish was full and Latin sucks._

YES! CLASS IS OVER! SPOT HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

Well, the room, anyway.

--------

**Mr. Greene's (Guidance Counselor) Survey**

**Given to Francis Sullivan and David Jacobs.**

**1. How would you describe your life right now?**

DAVID: _Fine, I guess. I mean, it's not like I'm Jack with no family and stuff. I've got a good, loving family. I'm getting good grades... the only thing I could complain about is... well, I'm sure you've heard the rumors. Why else would you give Jack and I this survey?_

JACK: _It sucks because everybody thinks I'm gay AND I'M NOT and obviously you think I'm gay or else you wouldn't take me out of class to come to your stupid room with this stupid round table and boxes of kleenex. I'M NOT GAY. Can I go now?_

**2. What is your name?**

DAVID: _David Edward Jacobs._

JACK: _What the fuck kind of a question is that? You're a guidance counselor, you know everybody's name! Even those of people MANLY AND STRAIGHT like me who would never come complaining to you about anything. I don't need you fuckers questioning my masculinity! dammit, you say to just answer. Well, it's Jack Kelly. And not Kelly as in like a girl. Because I'm the most fucking manliest man here. Okay, it's actually Francis Sullivan, but that doesn't count._

**3. Why do you think you have been given this survey?**

DAVID: _Because Spot has a big mouth and now everybody knows what Jack and I did._

JACK: _Because you guys are gay and I'm not. LEAVE ME ALONE._

**4. What is your family situation like?**

DAVID: _Fine, I guess. My parents are still together, I have a brother and a sister. We don't have much money, but we're fine._

JACK: _Family? What family? My mom's dead and my dad's in jail and I don't have any siblings. But you know that. I mean, come on. I could go shoot myself and let myself bleed all over their living room rug and they wouldn't notice. Wait, they have no living room._

**5. What are your plans for after high school?**

DAVID: _I plan to go to Harvard. I've already been accepted with lots of financial aid and scholarships._

JACK: _I dunno. I'm not going to college, obviously. Nobody would take a kid with a bad attitude and straight C's who doesn't even have enough money to pay for having his clothes done at the laundromat. Luckily, I don't need to have them done at the laundromat, because there are washing machines right downstairs. Which reminds me, I need to find my jockstrap before tomorrow's game._

**6. Have you ever had sexual intercourse?**

DAVID: _I plead the fifth._

JACK: _What the hell, you pervert! Yes I have. With my GIRLFRIEND Sarah. Not with David, no matter what the rumors say. I AM NOT GAY. That's a disgusting question anyway, Mr. Greene. You'r going to hell for that, I bet. Oh, wait, you'll probably plead that you were just trying to protect the students and encourage absti-whatever. But I know better._

**7. Are you religious?**

DAVID: _Yes. I am Jewish._

JACK: _No. But that doesn't make me gay. Not all atheists are gay._

**8. How do you deal with stress?**

DAVID: _I write about it in my LiveJournal._

JACK: _I don't get stressed._

**9. Choose a song that describes your life right now and say why.**

DAVID: _Faggot by Mindless Self Indulgence. Because that's what everybody thinks I am, and the more I think about it, the more I think I might agree._

JACK: _The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang. Listen to it and you'll figure it out. But that does not in any way mean I'm gay. Because I'm not. It's a good song, though. Once me and Mush and Blink were drunk and we sang that song really loud. That was fun. Is this survey almost over? It's not? Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuck!_

**10. Do you drink alcohol?**

DAVID: _No. Alcohol impairs your judgement._

JACK: _No, I get drunk off of vaporized liquor. (Yes.)_

**11. Do you smoke?**

DAVID: _No. I don't want lung cancer. ...Okay, I have smoked in the past. But just once. Or twice. But that's all!_

JACK: _Yes. I've been caught at it enough times that it's pointless to try to deny it._

**12. Do you do drugs?**

DAVID: _No._

JACK: _No comment._

**13. Do you have a job?**

DAVID: _Yes. I'm a paperboy._

JACK: _What Davey said._

**14. What is your sexuality?**

DAVID: _Um... up until recently I'd have said straight. But now I'm not sure. Gay? Maybe?_

JACK: _STRAIGHT! (This is a pretty pervy question, Mr. G. YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! I KNOW WHAT DISGUSTING HOMOSEXUAL THOUGHTS WERE GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU CREATED THIS SURVEY! Besides, asking me this is pointless, because there is obviously no doubt that I am straight.)_

**15. Do you feel that this survey has helped you?**

DAVID: _Uh... sure? I guess it made me evaluate myself a little._

JACK: _No. It was gay. Unlike me. Can I go now? YES?! FINALLY!!_

**Author's Note: About Jack: Methinks the lady doth protest too much.**


	4. Surveyness

What time are you starting this? **9:04 PM**  
Name? **francis sullivan, on my birth cirtificate, but everybody calls me jack kelly except for maybe my dad, but he doesn't really matter anyway cos he's in prison. anyway, I'm technically francis sullivan, only really jack kelly.**  
Nicknames? **cowboy. actually, I guess jack kelly could be considered a nickname, too.**  
Date of birth? **January 30**  
Sex? **yes please. (male)**  
Height? **around 5'11-ish, although I haven't measured myself lately.**  
Eye color? **brown**  
Where were you born? **manhattan (that's in new york city).**  
Number of candles on your last birthday cake? **17**  
Pets? **none.**  
Hair color? **um... light brown, I guess?**  
Piercings? **none.**  
Place you live in? **manhattan**  
Favorite foods? **I love shrimp, actually. um... and... french fries.**  
Ever been to Africa? **no, but I watched the discovery channel once when they went and... like, raped a lion or something.**  
Been toilet papering? **yes that was so fun! we tp'd joe pulitzer's house once! he was PISSED.**  
Love someone so much it made you cry? **no... seriously, no!**  
Been in a car accident? **no I don't drive**  
Favorite day of the week? **SATURDAY**  
Favorite resturant? **tibby's**  
Favorite flower? **wtf, I'm not a faggot.**  
Favorite sport to watch? **soccer. I love soccer.**  
Favorite drink? **coke**  
Favorite ice cream flavor? **peach is good. omg, you know what's really good? like, take peach icecream and put that strawberry topping shit on it. OMGORGASMIC.**  
Favorite fast food restuarant? **culvers.**  
Carpet color in your bedroom? **I don't really have a bedroom. I mean, in the apartment I share w/ race, the living room and bedroom are combined. they have a blueish-gray carpet. like, we have the computer, the tv, the couch, and a bunkbed. (I have the top.)**  
How many times did you fail your driver's test? **never, I passed the first time**  
Whom did you get your last email from? **uh, lemme look. mush emailed me some gay chain letter. that's the last one.**  
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? **uh... the grocery store? or spencers.**  
What do you do most often when you are bored? **get on the computer. haha, do these surveys. I really don't know why I do them.**  
Bedtime? **wtf, bedtimes are for 6-year-olds.**  
Favorite TV show? **i don't watch much tv. mostly movies.**  
Last person you went out to dinner with? **sarah**  
Been out of country? **no**  
Ford or Chevy? **I don't care**  
What are you listening to right now? **boys and girls by kill hannah. how ironic.**  
Have you ever failed a grade? **no**  
If you have, what grade did you fail? **n/a**  
Do you have a crush on someone? **um... no comment**  
Do you have a bf/gf? **I have a gf, sarah**  
How long have you been together? **since like forever. a couple years.**  
What are you wearing right now? **jeans, no shirt (it's like 343270573207532 degrees in here!), my favorite cowboy boxers.**  
Would you have sex before marriage? **yes**  
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? **EW NO**  
Are you a virgin? **no**  
Do you smoke? **yes**  
Do you drink? **yes**  
Are you ghetto? **fo sho. haha, no**  
Are you a player? **um, hang on. race is here, so I'll ask him.**

"**HEY RACE AM I A PLAYER"**

"**what?"**

"**AM I A PLAYER?"**

"**well, you played sarah..."**

"**SO I AM?"**

"**I guess you could say you are. why are you yelling? I'm like right behind you."**

"**THANK YOU."**

**so I guess I'm a player, yes.**  
What are your favorite colors? **I like gray and red.**  
What is your favorite animal? **HORSE**  
Do you have any birthmarks? **yeah**  
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked? **no, I do the ass kicking.**  
Who do you talk to most on the phone? **I dunno. mush and blink call when they're bored, so probably them, because everybody else just emails me or like texts me or something.**  
Have you ever been slapped? **yes, by some son of a bitch whore.**  
Do you get online a lot? **yeah...**  
Are you shy or outgoing? **i'm gonna ask race.**

"**RACE AM I SHY OR OUTGOING?"**

"**yes."**

**ok, I am. oh... wait!**

"**WHICH ONE?"  
"um... outgoing."**  
Do you shower? **yes**  
Do you hate school? **not really, it's ok. I mean, I don't like the classes much, but it can be fun. like the stuff people do.**  
Do you have a social life? **yes**  
How easily do you trust people? **I don't know...**

"**RACE HOW EASILY DO I TRUST PEOPLE?"**

"**jack jesus can't you just let me read in peace?"**

"**I NEED TO KNOW!"**

"**average."**

**I trust people average-ly**  
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? **no, because I'm straight.**  
Would you ever sky dive? **yeah**  
Do you like to dance? **no, that's gay.**  
Have you ever been out of state? **nope. but I want to so I can go to new mexico!**  
Do you like to travel? **it's ok**  
Have you ever been expelled from school? **no**  
Have you ever been suspended from school? **haha last week I got a one-day in-school suspension for writing "SUCK MY COCK" on the sex ed teacher's door, in big letters with spray paint.**  
Do you want to get out of your hometown? **YES I WANT TO GO TO SANTA FE**  
Are you spoiled? **no**  
Are you a brat? **no.**

**(race says "yeah you are.")**  
Have you ever been dumped? **no**  
Have you ever gotten high? **yes**  
Do you drink a lot of water? **only when I'm hungover. otherwise I drink scope and coke. (race said "wtf jack, you drink scope? that's mouthwash. you're supposed to spit it out. it's bad for you. is that why it's in the fridge?")**

**wait... IT'S MOUTHWASH? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPIT IT OUT? IT'S BAD FOR YOU? IT IS?! WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME?!**  
What toothpaste do you use? **crest whitening**  
Do you have a cell phone? **yeah**  
Do you have a curfew? **technically it's midnight cos that's when the door to the dorm building gets locked, but me and all my friends got duplicates of the key card that the security force (or whoever locks us in) have so we can come in whenever.**  
Who do you look up to? **nobody**  
Are you a role model? **no**  
What name brand do you wear the most? **uh... I don't? I wear a lot of wal-mart clothes.**  
What kind of jewelry do you wear? **none, I'm not a fag. (race said, "riiight. may I remind you of david?" I said, "fuck you, jerk-face." "oh? jerk-face, am I?" "yes, you little italian piece of fuck." "excuse you." "what?" "you're retarded." "at least I'm not... um... SHORT." "...was that an insult?" "YES." "you're gay." "was that an insult?" "no." "oh... jerk-face." "loser-face." "what the fuck kind of italian has a name like higgins? that's SCOTTISH." "actually it's irish." "whatever." "and my mom was irish." "..." "that's right.")**  
What do you want pierced? **nothing**  
Do you like taking pictures? **no**  
Do you like getting your picture taken? **no. no pictures.**  
Do you have a tan? **yeah, sort of**  
Do you get annoyed easily? **sometimes**  
Have you ever started a rumor? **no**  
Do you have your own phone or phone line? **I have a cell phone... our apt. doesn't have a phone, though.**  
Do you have your own pool? **no**  
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? **boxers**  
Do you have any siblings? **no**  
Have you ever been played? **no**  
Have you ever played anyone? **you already asked if I was a player... race thinks I played sarah. oh look! david's calling my cell phone!**

**ME: hi davey**

**RACE: if you're going to have phone sex, do it where I can't hear it.**

**ME: fuck you.**

**DAVID: what?**

**ME: not you. racetrack.**

**DAVID: oh.**

**ME: have I ever played anyone?**

**DAVID: excuse me?  
ME: like, you or sarah?**

**DAVID: or both?**

**ME: yeah.**

**DAVID: that was my answer. you played us both.**

**ME: oh.**

**DAVID: I think she knows.**

**ME: who knows what?**

**DAVID: sarah. about us. about... what we did.**

**ME: oh. shit. fuck fuck fuck!**

**DAVID: yeah. well I mean I don't know for sure. I bet if she does it's in her livejournal, but I haven't had time to check.**

**ME: fuck fuck fuck! david, I gotta go.**

**DAVID: ok.**

**ME: bye.**

**DAVID: bye.**

**SHIT. well, no use trying to find her now. they share a cell phone, so obviously if david was using it, she doesn't have it. so I'll finish this.**

**I've played two people. david and sarah.**  
Do you get along with your parents? **uh, I don't not get along with dad, I guess.**  
How do you vent your anger? **soak people**  
Have you ever ran away? **not really, I guess**  
Have you ever been fired from a job? **no**  
Do you even have a job? **yes**  
Do you daydream a lot? **no**  
Do you have a lot of ex's? **no**  
Do you run your mouth? ** "RACE DO I RUN MY MOUTH?"**

"**yes."**  
Have you ever been bitched out? **not really?**  
Are you rude? **"RACE AM I RUDE?"**

"**yes."**

"**WHAT?!"**

"**sometimes."**

"**OH."**

"**like now, not letting me read. you're giving me a migraine."**

"**SORRY."**  
What was the last compliment you recieved? **um... earlier today blink told me my ears were cool shaped.**  
Do you like getting dirty? **yes**  
Are you flexible? **no**  
What is your heritage? **um, I'm mostly irish.**  
What is your lucky number? **9**  
What does your hair look like right now? **normal...**

**race says: "greasy."**  
Could you ever be a vegetarian? **no**  
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color? **something crazy.**  
Would you ever date someone younger than you? **sure**  
Would you ever date someone older than you? **sure**  
When was the last time you were drunk? **last night**  
How many rings until you answer the phone? **however many it takes me to find it and see who it is**  
Have you ever been skinny dipping? **yeah once with sarah**  
When was the last time you went on a date? **last weekend**  
Do you look more like your mother or father? **a healthy mix**  
Do you cry a lot? **NO**  
Do you ever cry to get your way? **no**  
Have you ever been chased by cops? **no, but I have been chased my mall security guards when me and skittery and blink and mush got caught trying to steal a kitten from a pet store.**  
What do you like most about your body? **all of it, I guess**  
What do you like least about your body? **none of it**  
When did you have your first crush? **when I was young**  
When was the last time you threw up? **this morning. I had way too much to drink last night.**  
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes? **I like them both**  
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly? **no**  
What about cleavage? **wtf, I'm a guy.**  
What theme does your room have? **"RACE DOES OUR ROOM HAVE A THEME?"**

"**yeah—room."**

"**...WHAT?"**

"**no."**  
How are you feeling right now? **I'm pretty tired and I'm fucking ROASTING. "HEY RACE?"**

"**shut up, jack."**  
When was the last time you were at a party? **last night**  
Have you ever given a lapdance? **no**  
Have you ever recieved one? **once when sarah was drunk. and actually, once when specs was drunk, too, but I like to pretend that never happened.**  
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? **yeah, that I'm gay. but I'm not.**  
Would you marry for money? **maybe**  
What do you drive? **nothing**  
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child? **neither**  
When was the last time you cried in school? **um, last Wednesday when I got kicked in the balls by some ghetto kid.**  
Would you ever hook up with the same sex? **NONONONONONONO**

**race said, "you already have, and I'm betting you will again."**

**me: "fuck you, stupid irish-italian who can't make up his mind over which 'I' country he wants to be from."**  
What kind of music do you like? **anything good. not country. not hip-hop or rap.**  
Moons or stars? **stars**  
Coke or pepsi? **COKE!!!**  
Favorite scent? **I like the smell of david's shampoo**  
Favorite band? **oh, I dunno... kill hannah's good...**  
Would you ever dye your hair red? **maybe**  
How many languages can you speak? **english. and I'm being forced by some crazy-ass nazi teacher to learn german.**  
What time are you finishing this? **10:32**


	5. IDedic8MyLife2Jack

**SaveAHorseRideMe **has entered the chat.

**Brooklyn16 **has entered the chat.

**HonorsKid** has entered the chat.

**JustJake **has entered the chat.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **spot, dave... jake? right?

**JustJake: **ya

**HonorsKid: **Jack, oughtn't you be studying for the German test tomorrow? As I remember, you didn't know jack in class today.

**Brooklyn16: **LOL!

**HonorsKid: **No pun intended.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **fuck you.

**Brooklyn16: **pretty sure u already did jacky-boy

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **fuck you 2, spot.

**Brooklyn16: **im str8

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **WHAT A COINCIDENCE, I AM 2!

**JustJake: **ME TOO!

**Brooklyn16: **...

**Brooklyn16: **david

**HonorsKid: **Yes, Spot?

**Brooklyn16: **wat bout u

**HonorsKid: **Let's just say I am in the minority here.

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack **has entered the chat.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **Les!

**JustJake: **les!

**Brooklyn16: **les

**HonorsKid: **...LES?!

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack: **hi

**Brooklyn16: **wats w/ ur name

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack: **jack made it

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **damn straight.

**Brooklyn16: **unlike u

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **shut up, spot. not in front of the children.

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack: **wat

**Brooklyn16: **hes geh

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **NO I'M NOT!!!

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack: **i blieve jack

**SaveAHorseRideMe **has left the chat.

**Brooklyn16: **he is SO geh.

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack: **y do u say dat

**Brooklyn16: **he fucked ur bro

**HonorsKid **has left the chat.

**JustJake: **did they _really_ spot?

**Brooklyn16: **YA!

**JustJake **has left the chat.

**IDedic8MyLife2Jack **has left the chat.

**Brooklyn16: **...

**Brooklyn16: **...

**Brooklyn16: **well this sux

**Brooklyn16 **has left the chat.

_A/N: Just a mini-update to holdmy nonexistant readers of this story over till I get around to writing something real. I wrote this chat on vacation in july but never bothered to put it up. I kind of enjoy it, though, so there you go. By the way, if Spot's and Les's typing annoy you—you're not alone. They annoy me too. I'll try to get up something more soon._


	6. Maybe If We Wore Furs

_**Disclaimer: Don't own newsies...?!?! still. –cries- but I promise you loyal fans that if I DID own newsies, there would be many more shirtless boys, and a large selection of deleted (slash) scenes.**_

_**SUPER-DUPER IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: It has been brought to my attention that this fic seems kind of like another one... I'm not gonna say which one, because I don't feel like it, but I apologize. I'm trying to change it up now so it doesn't keep seeming that way.**_

**Chapter Whatever Number I'm On Now—"Maybe If We Wore Furs..."**

_A Dialouge of Seventh Hour History Class, As Told by Marsha Wallace_

MUSH: HEAVY METAL SUICIDE—

KID BLINK: Don't talk like that!

MUSH: Like what?

JACK: Dude, Kid, it's a song.

KID: A... song?

MUSH: Yeah, Billy Joel's _We Didn't Start the Fire._

KID: ...Jack? You listen to Billy Joel?

EVERYONE: ...

SPOT: He is SO gay.

JACK: _SHUT UP!_

MUSH: ...TROUBLE IN THE SEWERS!

JACK: I'm pretty sure that's 'trouble in the Suez'.

MUSH: That's what I _said._

JACK: Uh, no, you said—

MUSH: POPE PAUL, MALCOM X, BRITISH POLITICIAN SEX, JFK, BLOWN AWAY, WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY?

MR. BENNET (History Teacher): Are you quite sure, Mr. Meyers, that the song you are singing is school appropriate?

SPOT: NO, SEND HIM TO THE FUCKING OFFICE.

MR. BENNET: Mr. Conlon, I do not tolerate that kind of language. To the office, young man.

SPOT: FUCK NO!

MR. BENNET: Mr. Conlon, to the office, or come to detention tonight.

SPOT: I'll take the detention... "sir".

MUSH: FOREIGN DEBTS, HOMELESS VETS, AIDS, CRACK—

JACK: You are so not singing that song in the right order.

SPOT: And _you're _a gay pedophile!

JACK: Do you have to bring this up into _every _conversation?

DAVID: Hey, I'm older than Jack!

SPOT: So you admit you're gay!

JACK: NO!

DAVID: Uh... I plead the fifth.

SPOT: David, only you actually know what the fifth _is_.

KID: It's the freedom of sex.

MUSH: No, dumbass, it's the freedom of the press.

MR. BENNET: You're all retarded—it's the right to remain silent.

EVERYONE: ...

DAVID: That wasn't very teacherly.

MR. BENNET: Fuck it. I'm hungover.

EVERYONE: ...

SPOT: What the _fuck_?

JACK: Who are you and what did you do with Mr. Bennet?

MR. BENNET: Today we're going to talk about Russia.

JACK: -sniggers- Like Davey's Adam's apple. THE RUSSIANS ARE IN DAVEY'S THROAT... STILL!

DAVID: What the heck? I do _not _have that huge of an Adam's apple!

SPOT: Jack would—

EVERYONE: SHUT UP!

MUSH (quietly): Watergate, punk rock...

SPOT: Mush, you're almost as gay as Jack.

JACK: I. AM. NOT. GAY. I LIKE GIRLS AND LESBIAN PORN VERY, VERY MUCH! I DO NOT FUCK MEN!

SPOT: Prove it.

JACK: How?

SPOT: ...make out with Marsha.

JACK: What?! Ew! Uh... no offense, Marsha.

MARSHA (Me): Um, um, none, um, taken... um?

SPOT: DO IT.

EVERYONE (Minus Marsha, Mr. Bennet, David, and Jack): DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

JACK: OKAY, OKAY! Marsha, come here.

-Marsha and Jack kiss-

KID: So how was he?

MARSHA: Um... uh... pretty... good... um, yeah. Good?

MR. BENNET: _ANYWAY_. Back to Russia.

MUSH: Dude, Russia. It's like... Connected to Canada, practically. We could, like, walk over there... Or swim, or whatever.

KID: They'd never let us in. We don't _look _Russian.

BUMLETS (quietly): Maybe if we wore furs...?

EVERYONE: ...

SPOT: He's probably gay like Jack.

SKITTERY: Are you _ever _going to give that a _rest_?

SPOT: Uh, no. At least, not till Jack gets his ass out of the running waters of De Nile.

DAVID: Where have I heard that phrase before...?

JACK: I am _NOT. GAY._

SPOT: A likely story. You probably read the fashion advice and and put on makeup while masturbating to pictures of Boy George.

DAVID: You know, I think that might be the most intelligent thing Spot's said since he started insisting we're homos.

JACK: WHICH WE'RE NOT.

SPOT: Denial...

MR. BENNET: Ohhhhkay, we're not getting anywhere on Russia. How about... uh... ROME! Yeah, that's history. Ancient Rome...

BUMLETS: Homosexuality was encouraged then.

MR. BENNET: Actually, I think in Ancient Rome it was more like, "We like the little boys, ooohhh yeeess..."

EVERYONE: ...O.o

JAKE: Okay, _what_?!

RACETRACK: -walks in-

MR. BENNET: ANTHONY HIGGINS! Where on _earth _were you?

RACE: Um, I was in the... bathroom.

JACK: -cough-gettinghigh-cough-

RACE: -throws water bottle at Jack- I was NOT getting high!

JACK: Oh yeah?

RACE: Yeah!

JACK: Oh yeah?

RACE: YEAH!

JACK: OH YEAH?!

SPOT: JACK, YOU ARE SO GAY!

JACK: _OH YEAH_?

DAVID: Jack, I'm disowning you if you don't stop being such a twatbag.

JACK: Oh yea—a _what_?

BELL: -BRIIIIING-

MR. BENNET: Oh, thank God.

_**A/N: There you go. Completely pointless, irrelevant to the plot chapter. Still, it was fun to write. I get the feeling it came out really retarded, though. Sorry... I'm very strung out right now, and my creative genius is running low, given the fact that I'm furiously working on SEVEN fanfictions right now. Anyway, there you go.**_


	7. Chapter Of Teh LongERnesses

**Disclaimer: NO OWNAGIZZZZZZ of Newsies or any of the characterz in itz. I DO, however, own Roxanne. Yuss... ownage of humanslave...sex slave? (ignore me, I'm loopy from the cold meds. Lucky for joo, the important parts of this chapter were written BEFORE I took THE MEDS and so only the disclaimer, title, surveyness part, and maybe AN will be of teh loopynesses.)**

Chapter Of The Nextness – Teh Chapter Of Teh Longness

Roxanne—

It's at times like this when I thank God I'm a chat room junkie. I need my best internet friend now, and had I not met you in some random chat room two years ago, I'd be sunk.

Let's start with why I've not written in a few days—I've been so stressed you wouldn't believe. Not to pull the old 'school and life' excuse on you, but school and life have me chained to a wall and are raping me up the butt. What's more, they stole my laptop.

Well, actually, the laptop theif was my sister, but the fact remains that it was gone, and me+no computerno writing Roxie.

Now for a life update: a few days ago I sort of... did my sister's boyfriend up the butt. Yeah, oops. How's that for a stupid move? So that led me to realize that I am, in fact, gay. (Does that make you a fag hag?) And he's not handling it so hot—Jack (yes, THAT Jack—best-friend-and-sister's-boyfriend; that's who I did) refuses to admit that he's even BI, much less (God forbid!) GAY. So he's being an immature fuckhead (and you KNOW how much it takes to make me swear), and I'm forced to take all the REAL weight of the rumors about us. All he has to deal with is one annoying guy—our friend Spot, I'm sure I've mentioned him—mentioning every five seconds that Jack's gay (which he may or may not be). That doesn't really matter, though, because nobody listens to Spot anyway. Not even my young, impressionable brother believed him. (Then again, my young, impressionable brother thinks Jack is some kind of saint.)

It got pretty bad at one point, though—the guidence counselor called us in to take these weird surveys that just so happened to ask our sexuality. Jack's answers were very... well, I'd apply a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet to them:

_The lady doth protest too much, methinks._

I, however, gave very characteristically down-to-earth answers—if it asked my name, I gave my name. I tried to use enough extra wording to please the councilor's Psychology Senses (similar, I'm sure, to Spidey Sense), but not tell more than I would be comfortable with the general public knowing.

Now I'm thinking about the impact I'm sure this experience has had on my relationship with Jack. I've always been like a best friend and mother to him, but mothers don't usually have sex AND strong romantic and sexual feelings for their sons. Not saying that one or the other of those CAN'T happen in a mother-child relaionship... just saying the latter is pretty unusual and both are frowned upon in most societies. So if it were up to me, we'd date, but there are two problems with that idea:

1. Jack refuses to admit he likes men.

2. He also happens to be dating my sister. (Although I have heard from a reliable source that they've not had sex in quite some time.)

So enough about me. How's _your _life?

-David

---

David—

Sweet Jesus! Ass rape and computer thievery and bondage! You've had quite the exciting life lately! I can almost say the same for myself (the exciting life bit, not the ass rape, comp thievery, and bondage bit), but yours pwns mine.

But enough of that—I'm going to overanalyze your e-mail before I let my personal life get in the way of things.

Whoa—you meant that ass rape thing seriously! You fucked your sister's BOYFRIEND?! Or maybe the correct capitalization of that statement is more like: You fucked your SISTER'S boyfriend?! That's sort of borderline incestual, if you ask me, especially since you're also his mom. (Which could make for a very disfunctional family.) Don't take that the wrong way—I'm not ragging on you or anything. Your life is totally getting interesting... you could probably make it into a really good reality TV show. (Check out the oxymoron action!)

Okay—you're gay. That's actually kind of interesting. I mean, you don't seem like the stereotypical gay to me at all, which makes it that much better. And, yeah, I guess that makes me a fag hag. (Let's go shopping together now!) I should make a t-shirt: "David's Official Fag Hag." I can make it like a paying job... without the money.

I guess he's just in denial... then again, maybe he's NOT gay. You said YOU fucked HIM, not the other way around, so maybe it was a one-time thing and maybe he really DOESN'T like men. After all, even straight men can be raped up the ass. Even straight men could probably come off it, given that they can enjoy rim jobs and having anal with their girlfriends. (Oh, the power of strap-ons.) So it really could be that he's straight and it's a totally one-sided thing. Then again, if they haven't screwed in ages (Jack and your sister, I mean), it could be that he doesn't like chicks. Or it could be that he doesn't like _Sarah_.

That's really all I can say on the matter, so I'll move on.

I was actually in the hospital or a few days! Apparently it's not cool to OD on sleeping pills. (I'm not suicidal, don't worry. I was just piss drunk and it was some dumb experiment I did. It didn't matter in the end, though, cos I was so drunk that the pills plus one more shot of whiskey and one more swig of beer made me puke for five hours straight AND have to get my stomach pumped. Pretty nasty.) Now I'm back home and totally fine, though. Unfortunately, my older brother Cade died OD'ing on cocaine. Gosh, what _is _it with my family? Now I'm sure you're thinking, "Gee, Roxie, you don't seem too torn up over your brother's death to me." Honestly, I'm not. I'm kind of happy that he's gone (and only a little ashamed of that). See, he raped me when I was ten, sunk a knife into my back when I was thirteen (nearly killing me), and tried to shoot me last year. Yeah, don't like him so much.

Love ya.

Roxanne.

---

**Chemistry Notes**

David

**Jack**

_Racetrack_

---

Jack, I need to talk to you.

**I'm not gay.**

Actually, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about.

**Well, I don't wanna talk about it.**

Jack! Can you take ANYTHING seriously?

**Um, yeah, and I **_**seriously **_**don't want to talk about it.**

Look, it's not like I'm gonna tell everybody about our discussion or anything. Please! I deserve the truth!

**Okay, fine. Truth is? I'M NOT GAY. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!**

JACK!

**What?**

Do you really want to ruin our friendship over this?

**...No.**

Then we have to TALK about it.

**Um...**

Yeah?

**Can we at least do it later? And less publicly?**

This is public? What's less public than this?

**IM.**

Well... okay, if you promise to actually do it.

**Promise. I'll be on at 6.**

Umkay.

**That was... really gay.**

Shut up.

**Shutting up.**

Hey!

---

**RACETRAAAAAAAACKKKK!!!**

_Yeah?_

**I need your cool, short, Irish-Italian help!**

_Does this have something to do with your sexuality?_

**Uh...**

_I know all about you and David. No point in trying to hide anything._

**Shit.**

_Anyway, you needed my help?_

**Yeah. Davey wants to talk about it, and I don't know... what I can say about it.**

_Well, he'll doubtless want to know if you have feelings for him, where things stand with Sarah, and whether or not you're gay._

**How'd you get so smart?**

_Always been that way._

**Okay, so anyway, I JUST DON'T KNOW!**

_Then let's go through it one by one. DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR DAVID?_

**Is the intensity really necessary? It's creeping me out.**

_Just answer._

**Um... well, he's my best friend.**

_I'm waiting._

_ANSWER!  
_

**But...**

_Vee haff vays of deelink vith people like yoo._

**That was an extraordinarily crap German accent.**

_Then answer!_

**Uh... NEXT.**

_Okay—where do things stand with you and Sarah?_

**I don't know how to answer that.**

_Well, I heard through the grapevine that you two've not fucked in AGES._

**WHAT?! WHO SAID THAT?!**

_Well is it true?_

**That's private.**

_Well, I'd say the answer to it should give you a pretty good idea of where it is with her._

**Hmm.**

_Finally, are you gay?_

**TEH NO.**

_Let me rephrase that—do you HONESTLY lust after women? How about emotionally?_

**Uh... they're alright, I guess.**

_How about men?_

**Um...**

_Well?_

**Shit.**

_I see._

---

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **6:00 on the dot, see?

**HonorsKid: **Good job.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **knew you'd be proud.

**HonorsKid: **So. Let's talk.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **um, okay?

**HonorsKid: **Um...

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **well?

**HonorsKid: **Let's start with this:

**HonorsKid: **Are you in love with my sister?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **love? no.

**HonorsKid: **Do you _like _her?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **not... really. but she's pretty enough, i guess.

**HonorsKid: **Why are you dating her, then?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **uh... she... um, status? plus she's kind of an easy lay.

**HonorsKid: **EW! Wayyyyy TMI there!

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **you asked.

**HonorsKid: **But Race told me you two haven't had... done it lately.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **DAMN IT!

**HonorsKid: **Is it true?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **ugh. yes.

**HonorsKid: **Why?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: i**... haven't felt like it, i guess.

**HonorsKid: **I see. Okay, ready to move on?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **sure

**HonorsKid: **How do you feel about me?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **how do YOU feel about ME?

**HonorsKid: **I asked first.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **i asked second.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **plus i'm not answering till you do.

**HonorsKid: **Okay...

**HonorsKid: **Well...

**HonorsKid: **Um...

**HonorsKid: **I love you.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **shit.

**HonorsKid: **What?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **i...

**HonorsKid: **You...?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **honestly don't know. how I feel about you.

**HonorsKid: **You are SO naïve.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **...sorry?

**HonorsKid: **Well, at least tell me honestly—are you gay?

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **...

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **maybe.

**HonorsKid: **REALLY?!

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **chill out! christ!

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **i said MAYBE.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **i guess i'm either... bi or gay.

**HonorsKid: **Wow!

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **DON'T TELL ANYONE OR YOU DIE.

**HonorsKid: **I gotta... go.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **PROMISE NOT TO TELL!

**HonorsKid: **I promise.

**HonorsKid **has left the chat.

**SaveAHorseRideMe: **hm. not so hot on this whole i-spill-my-heart-you-leave thing.

**SaveAHorseRideMe **has left the chat.

---

_**A Random Jack-Survey, As Saved at 7:06 PM by Jack Kelly**_

ARGHHHH. I need survey therapy.

K SO THE WAY YOU DO THIS SURVEY IS YOU PUT ITUNES ON SHUFFLE AND WRITE THE TITLES. JA, JA.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?  
Touch Me – The Doors

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?  
Here In Your Arms - Hellogoodbye

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?  
Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?  
Elephant Love Medley – Moulin Rouge

WHATS YOUR LIFES PURPOSE?  
If You Were Gay – Avenue Q

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?  
I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today – Avenue Q

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?  
Why Do You Love Me - Garbage

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?  
Mickey – BWitched

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?  
SexyBack – Justin Timberlake

WHAT IS 2+2?  
La Vie Boheme B - RENT

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?  
I Should Tell You - RENT

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?  
For Good - Wicked

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?  
Shut Up and Sleep With Me – Sin With Sebastian

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?  
Faggot - MSI

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?  
Date Rape - Sublime

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?  
Unwanted – Kill Hannah

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?  
Come What May – Moulin Rouge

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?   
What I Like About You - Lillix

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?  
Urinetown - Urinetown

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?  
Like A Virgin – Madonna

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?  
Venice Queen - RHCP

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?  
Take Off Your Clothes - Morningwood

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?  
When You're Good To Mama - Chicago

Oh, God, that didn't help.

----

**A/N: I have a strange love for MusicalsAndLameMusicSuchAsMickey(ButNotSuchAsTheRestofTheAwesomeMusicFromTheSurvey)Freak!Jack. Ohh dear, that was a long name for a muse... . Umm... Like A Virgin IS by Madonna, right?**

**Soooo yeah. There wasn't much comedy in this chapter. It was mostly serious, PLOT-LIKE things.**

**Yuss.**

**Um, yeah.**


End file.
